Job loss on the man’s ego

Fear gripped Jumoke as her husband finally admitted after three days of not going to work that he had been retrenched. She suspected that such a thing was about to happen about four months ago.

Her husband was always so tensed about the issue of money, and always avoided conversations on economic downturn in Nigeria and its effects.

She had often caught him off guard with worried expression on his face. Whenever she asked, he would tell her nothing. If she probed further he would snap at her.

Jumoke, a school teacher, knew her salary was far from adequate for her family of five. Two of their children were in private secondary schools and the youngest was in a private primary school. She was really scared for her family wellbeing. No respite was coming from her husband, and his usual confidence was eroded.

Five months after his job loss, Jumoke is becoming even more worried about her husband than their financial situation, as her husband’s several attempts at getting another job were fruitless.

As her husband remained unemployed, she now does some extra work to earn more money to meet up with more financial obligations.

But while her husband is becoming unhappy, she is getting irritated with his attitude.

“Why is he not appreciative of my efforts to see that the family gets fed and the children stay in

school?” she asks tearfully.

Many other women have complained about their husband’s change of attitude when they experience a job loss or business failure resulting in financial challenges.

According to Norman Wright, a marriage counsellor, “One major factor that contributes  to a man’s feeling of masculinity and masculine security is his work. In most cultures, he needs a job to affirm his masculinity. Work provides an outlet for a man’s creative and aggressive energies. His work and profession is the cornerstone of his male ego.”

For F.W. Kenyon, preacher and success coach, the most serious problem a woman has on her hands when her husband loses his job is not even the finance but his wounded ego.

He noted that what the man needs most at that time is not his wife’s worries about how they would survive. He advised a wife in such situation to put her arms round the man’s shoulders, look him straight in the eyes and tell him that she is confident in his ability to be a success in spite of his job loss. Of course, she should follow it up by constantly affirming her confidence in him as a man.

Such a man, according to Kenyon, would go out and make good efforts at succeeding. On the other hand, if she expresses her frustration at the problems or say things to belittle him, he becomes beaten and downtrodden.

Ideally, some women may want to show how loving they are by telling the man that she is quite capable of providing for the family so he should not worry.

Helen Andelin, a marriage counsellor, said that most men may feel less a man by such a statement as it gives the impression that the woman is taking over because he has failed. Rather, the woman should continue to affirm her confidence in him as a man.

Many counsellors believe that if a woman has to take such a responsibility, she should not make it so glaring by always telling people.

She should keep on affirming her confidence in her man until he gets working again.