Why am i not successful…yet?

I often wonder why we don’t get the results we want in our lives. How come majority of people are unable to turn their dreams into reality?  People want to be richer, fitter, lose more weight, be more knowledgeable, achieve more, become someone better, more famous, more influential, more successful. So, why aren’t we achieving those dreams?

We simply don’t ACT. We’re excellent talkers but lousy doers. We talk about our ideas, the business we want start, the life we want, the job we’ll like etc. From my coaching experience, I’ve found so many people have no single action plan that can take them to their dreams or their plans are just not aligned to their desired goals. It’s like wanting to lose weight but eating lots of carbs.

Actions equal results. It’s really that simple. If you eat less, eat the right things and exercise, you will lose that fat. If you study, write the exams, apply for the program, study more, you will graduate and get that degree. If you need to start that business, invest in it, market it, deliver the product and service efficiently and scale up, you’ll be wealthy.

Let me give you an interesting real life example. A couple went to see the doctor because they desperately wanted a baby. The doctor ran every test and found no problems. He told the couple they were perfectly ok and just need to keep at it. Finally, he asked a golden question. “How often do you have sex?” The room went quiet as they were too embarrassed to answer. “Twice or three times a month” they whispered. What? Did you say you were trying for a baby? What exactly does “trying” involve?

This isn’t different from what a lot of us do. We often wish, pray, think, day-dream, confess, do affirmations, discuss, cry, talk and fantasize about the future we want. But we stop short of doing the one and only thing that brings results, which is Action.

One of the things I do with my clients is get to the root of why they’re not taking the necessary actions. Looking under that bonnet and fixing the problem often starts the car and pushes them to start taking action.

You’ve dreamt enough, it’s time to start acting. And if you’re still struggling taking actions or your actions are not producing the right results, then the best thing you can do is hire a coach.

You want to be successful, why aren’t you taking action?

The reason why you’re not successful yet can easily be traced to the actions you haven’t taken. Truth be told, there’s more the why people act or don’t act. There’s something driving your actions and that is your thoughts. If for example your Action is the vehicle that will get you from point A to B, then your thought is the engine of that vehicle; while your Beliefs, Values andPerceptions are the spark plugs, valves, piston and gasoline.

Early on in my coaching career, I used to get really frustrated with clients who know exactly what they need to do and just don’t do it. I often thought they were lazy, or just not serious about achieving their goals.Why would people just not do what they know they have to? I later discovered that Actionsare neither prime numbers nor atoms, they are made up of many parts. Your action or inaction is driven completely by your thinking. If you don’t think you can achieve a goal, you won’t even start. If you don’t think you can do it, you won’t even try. I have read loads of books and heard many great speakers talk about positive thinking. But many of those books forget to tell you that your thought is also not a prime number. They are a result of a combination of various factors.

So, what drives your Thinking? Now we’re getting to the core engine that drives your life, your success or failure. It’s your Beliefs, Values and your Perceptions. This is what I call, “Your Programming”.

We are constantly being programmed to think in certain ways. Families, schools, media, religion, neighbourhoods, governments, friends and economic situations are all constantly “telling” us what to think and how to think. Some people are programmed to think big, others small. Some programmed to think of money in abundance, others programmed to think of money as scarce. Some programmed that success is inevitable, others that they need luck to be successful so they play the lottery. Some programmed to take risk and start businesses, others programmed to avoid risks and take a job.

I’ve met people who think success and money is evil and will take them to hell; parents who think a child’s future is based on the school they attend; business owners who have put a cap on where they believe their business will get to. People making statements like “I’ll rather be happy than rich”, as if they are mutually exclusive. As Harv Eker puts it, would you do ever chose between having your hand or your leg?

As a coach, it’s not my place to judge your values or beliefs. However, if you want to achieve your goals, we have to ensure that they are the right combination to deliver the expected results. You need to know what’s driving your action or inaction. The truth is, you just can’t change your thinking overnight. It takes finding and fixing the machine that is producing the thoughts in the first place.

Abolaji Idowu

Idowu is a business coach.