Who’s to stop them? (1)

It was the last Saturday of the month at the Old Hide Out in Surulere.  When the music stopped, Taiwo, Ogbuagu and I—the Three Happy Cheers!—we got up to take the stage and do our comedy routine, when a boisterous argument exploded from a center table. Like a pebble dropped in the middle of a pond, its sound-waves rippled till they touched the furthest shores of the hall. Silence fell as the arguing voices filled the void.

–I told you this president is no better than the last one. It’s a whole month and he still can’t find a cabinet.

–The former cabinet were mostly the same tired old dummy types who don’t know their right from their left and were just there to share the money.

–And there were so many of them! How many dozen ministers do we need for God’s sake?

–And what did they accomplish—all 42 of them?

–All you really need is 10 good men and women. That’s all. Then you’ll see WORK. Achievement.

–Let’s hope this new president knows the difference between the presidential system and the parliamentary system.

–What do you mean?

–You see, in the parliamentary system the cabinet are selected from the elected members of the ruling party . . .

–Or parties, if it’s a coalition government.

–That’s right. But in the presidential system, which is what we operate, the cabinet are selected from the broad populace, with no regard to party affiliation. In fact the cabinet are mostly technocrats, smart professionals with a track record for getting things done in the shortest and most efficient manner in their fields of expertise. The cabinet is not a dump for failed electoral candidates, nor a sinecure for rewarding party faithfuls.

–The former president had no one to advise him.

–That’s not true. He had 20 official advisers.

–That’s too many!

–And apparently they advised him wrong . . .

–Or else he didn’t take advice.

–I don’t think he read the newspapers because they carry the best advice on virtually every possible issue of public policy and governance.

–A president doesn’t have to read the newspapers every day. All he needs is one person whose assignment is to read the papers every morning and relay to him in summary form the major news and views of the day. That way he will KNOW what is happening to the people he governs, and what they think.

–Yes, he will know the unsanitary and unsafe environment in which they live

–the terrible roads and tankers and trailers that tumble and crush travelers in other vehicles

–the grinding poverty

–the dirty cooking and drinking water

–the dilapidated schools

–the poor medical facilities.

–Yes. But to KNOW is not to DO.

–That’s right. The question is: what are you DOING about it?

–If all you do is make speeches, then YOU are part of the problem.

–Yes, I agree. If Buhari appoints people who will only share the money instead of using it to solve the problem, then he will be as guilty as they.

There was a brief silence. Then from a distant corner, a man in a

deep voice said:

–The trouble, ladies and gentlemen, is that there is no authority to whom our government is accountable.

–There is a God in heaven, replied someone.

There was laughter.

–When was the last time you saw God intervene to save a miserable, misgoverned country?

–But we have a Constitution!

–The Constitution is fatally flawed, not worth the paper it is printed on.

–The framers of the Constitution deliberately filled it with loopholes and absurdities which they have continued to exploit to their advantage.

–What do you mean?

–It is the Constitution that gave such extraordinary powers to the National Assembly . . .

–Yes, NASS members can do as they please. They don’t have to listen to anybody. They are above all the laws of the land.

–It is the Constitution that placed all office holders beyond correction for their misdeeds while in office, and beyond prosecution for their crimes while in office.

–Such IMMUNITY hasn’t been heard of since the French Revolution—and that’s two and a half centuries ago!!! screamed someone from another distant corner.

–It is the Constitution that says that the Excess Crude Account—that is, any oil revenue above the amount stipulated in the Budget—must be shared among the state governors each and every year!

–You mean they just share the money?

–Yes, they do. The money simply disappears. It is never mentioned, not to speak of being applied to any development project within their various states. That is what the 1999 Constitution allows to be done.

The anger and noise lasted some fifteen minutes. Then someone sued for silence.

–Were the framers of the Constitution stupid, insane, or just brazenly criminal?

–Are the successive presidents who have governed under that Constitution stupid, insane, or just brazenly criminal?

–There is obviously a power vacuum at the top, said the deep voice. There is no authority that can call to order our governors, ministers, perm secs, senators, or the president himself. There is no ultimate enforcer . . . .

• To be continued

Onwuchekwa Jemie