Sisi Driver

A woman at the steering wheel is always a sight for sore eyes. If she is in a sleek car and dressed to the nines, it makes for an irresistible spectacle on the high way.

I am a shoe aficionado and a woman in a sleek car, dressed to the nines, who step out of a gorgeous car with endless legs and a pair of arresting shoes, is always a knockout. Sunglasses add to the allure. When she adjusts her jacket’s collar and strides past the boys who are restraining a catcall on their lips, she is even more alluring. They gosh, they gasp, they wish…then they watch her go, her exciting bag in her hand as she swings past a pack of Nigerian men whose eyes are unable to peel away from her. Spectacular! The women too have their moment, envy falling all over the place. Sisi driver is on a roll and guess what, more often than not, she knows she is the centre of attraction and gets her swag on.            

I am a people watcher and I spend my time on the road watching the many interesting things that take place on the main road. It is an exciting story when you begin to watch the roads from your car, from the side-line, from a shop window, from a high rise building. It’s always a delight and Nigeria is full of stories. Well, why not? I am a story teller and I love a good tale.

Let’s return to female drivers. There are those who excite me and of course the Nigerian opposite sex and there are those who repel me. 

The ones I love are the cool cats who drive so well, they slide past you with a smile or blow you a kiss when they overtake you. They are the smooth operators, you let them drive by you, you let them go even if they do not ask you and you let them go in the worst traffic because they are so sweet and comely, these cool cats.

Then there are the lady hyenas, ready to bite you at the slightest stress on the road. They stick their fingers outside their window and dare you pursue them in bad traffic. They are wearing a smear of blood red lipstick and chewing gum like a hooker. Avoid these ones like a plague; they are rude, loud and intriguing. They screech to a halt right behind you and blame you for everything, from the orange seller running across the road to the traffic warden with a threatening stick. If the traffic lights turn to amber and you do not make a move, they scowl at you, if the traffic lights change to red as she  is about to leap past you, she blames you and heaps invectives on you. But guess what; sometimes the lady hyenas are not the ladies with crappy cars or the ladies who are ill-dressed. Six out of ten, the lady hyenas are the mild mannered ladies in a Gucci suit and a Prada pair of sunglasses riding in a Lamborghini. These are the ladies I am quite ashamed of. Ladies who in spite of their pedigree still behave like agberos  or drunken sailors on the highway. 

I was amaze last week when a woman raced past me, levelled with me and offered a long snake-like hiss before surging forward attempting to scrape my car. Behave yourself ladies. There are certain behavioural traits on the highway that are unbecoming. Hissing, cursing, and driving like a maniac does not become you.

The beauty of all of this is that the lady-like behaviour can come from the less endowed lady financially who is cute on the highway, polite, patient and calm as a cucumber even if the world is falling apart. She drives a decent car and is well dressed. She treats everyone like a brother or sister even the misbehaving taxi-driver. 

Ladylike driving is a beautiful sight to behold, from the modest female driver in a decent car, smart and beautiful with endless legs. I love a woman who can move a car like Genevieve Nnaji in a communication company’s advert. Sisi driver is always one of the unending joys of traffic congestion or even the one that gets the attention of the boys. Wink! Wink!

Eugenia Abu