In a world where parenting often feels like a race to get everything right, Olufunke Onyema, a registered and guidance counsellor, has demystified intentional parenting, urging parents to slow down and lead their children with purpose.
Through her insights, Onyema breaks down what intentional parenting truly means, and why nurturing the heart of a child matters just as much as shaping their future.
Speaking during a special conference of the Women of Grace from The Redeemed Christian Church of God, King’s Place Area in LP 106, Onyema emphasised that intentional parenting entails having family rituals and value-based rules.
“As a parent, you must ask yourself this question, am I raising my children for people to say that my children are the best? Am I raising children that are emotionally stable, and are they being nurtured as the Lord asks me to?” she stated.
Besides, she tasked every parent to ensure that his or her children are being raised with love, and with the goal of nurturing responsible adults of tomorrow.
“Intentional parenting is the practice of raising children with active purpose. As Christians, intentional parenting is raising children with a purpose and conscious choices they should make; rather than just raising children as the world wants us to raise,” she said.
Breaking down on how to raise children that are conscious of the choices they should make, Onyema, said, there are three things every parent must take note of in order to nurture a total child, which are communication, discipline, and time management.
“Everything we do about parenting must revolve around communication, discipline and time management, they make parenting task more focused.
“Intentional parenting is not what many people are doing out there in world, it’s not about children acting some ungodly scripts as directed by their parents,” she noted.
According to the practicing medical expert, “Intentional parenting is about a long term goal, where parents push their children to become responsible adults of tomorrow.
“Unfortunately, many responsible parents have failed to raise their children to become their adults’ replica, and are raising future adults that would give them broken, and traumatized hearts.”
Such children, she said, have no regard for others, and have nothing to offer to society.
To avoid nurturing nuisances of tomorrow, Onyema urges parents to see intentional parenting beyond what they want to see now, but that it is who they are raising for tomorrow; that is a long time value.
She emphasised that exposing children to unnecessary comparison is detrimental to the child’s development, stressing that every child is unique, and the moment parents begin to apply a comparison system such a child begins to feel inferior and low self-esteem begins to set in.
The guidance counsellor noted that parents must develop personal relationships, and communication skills that suit their children.
This, she said, will help parents to raise emotional and developmental strong stable children, which is the purpose of being an intentional parent.
“Parents must be proactive, a lot of times we react; when our children shouts and jumps, we react. When a child has questions, we react; we are always emotionally reactive, rather than being proactive.
“Being proactive demands we consistently connect with our children, and you can’t correct with a child that you’re not connected to,” she emphasised.
Moreover, she highlighted the need for a family value-based culture that members follow consistently. These rules or culture, she said, must be written and placed where everyone in the house can see and internalise.
For instance, she said, “This famous family we are raising, our first family value is respect, and it must be written down, and placed on the wall.”
Onyema emphasised the place of problem-solving focus in raising a healthy child. According to the guidance counsellor, every child needs his parents’ presence, and not just affection; self-reflection parenting approach that is training a child to take after his /her parents and goals oriented modelling.
Experts believe that in a modern day society like Nigeria, many contemporary social problems are beginning to emerge which are against its norms, morals and ethics and could be attributed as negative.
Some of these problems, they say, are in some ways attributable to ineffective parenting and while it is imperative that the government set new or enforce old policies relating to child up-bringing in Nigeria, being the first point of social interaction and integration, parents must take bold steps in nurturing their children and providing them with the basic necessities they require.
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