The heat and fatigue were getting to me. I was beginning to feel distinctly lightheaded and the sweat was running into my eyes and blurring my vision. The paddle weighed heavy in my hand, my clothes long since soaked, I didn’t know or care whether my bag was still in the canoe with me. Through the haze of the downpour I could just make out the hunched shoulders of my ‘driver’ in front of me paddling hard against the current. Exhaustion makes a man think many things. The most obscure thoughts sprang into mind and out again. The curtain of rain enhanced this feeling of isolation that the normal world no longer existed. I had been in Africa for many years but as a businessman, not an explorer. What am I doing here wondering when next I could find relief from the relentless water, the tiredness and aching limbs? And the rain. How noisy it was. I had to shout to attract the attention of the shape in front of me.
“Paul, how far now? I can’t take this much longer.”
“Don’t worry, Oga, I can just see Total Filling Station. We should meet Keffi shortly.”
I wrote this column in June 2007. I imagined that with rising sea levels and predictions that Lagos will soon be under water we should change our economy to a fully riverine one like Venice. I asked readers to imagine it. Instead of taxis we could develop Venetian-style gondolas. Imagine the boost to tourism as visitors could glide romantically down Kingsway under the moonlight as the conductor, sorry, I mean gondolier, softly croons ‘Water no get enemy’ by Fela. For the ‘economically challenged’, instead of Okada, there would be canoe-taxis (N50 per splash, N100 to be put on dry land). Go-slow would have a whole new meaning (float-slow vs. paddle-go?). Certainly it would be safer if you fell asleep in the traffic after three hours on Ikorodu road. Instead of a fender bender in the rear of the car in front and the inevitable katakata there would be a slight jolt. In fact, taking a leaf out of the ancient Roman’s book Third Mainland Bridge could be turned into a giant viaduct or water bridge to facilitate paddling from Kingsway Canal to Gbagada Lake. That would stop all the accidents where Molue (osa straight) go over the parapet and might save many lives, as long as the passengers were wearing life jackets instead of seatbelts. Oshodi could be twinned with Venice though Nembe Waterside would be more relevant.
There would be less security problems, at first anyway, as area boys wishing to become armed robbers would need to learn to swim holding their weapons between their teeth like the pirate boys in Peter Pan. After a while they would hire outboard motors to cruise alongside all the boats stuck in the float-slow. The security agents would have to respond. LASTMA would have to stand on a box to keep their head above water to direct the traffic.
As with all revolutionary concepts there would be those that suffer from this reversion to water life. Bukkas would have to congregate on little islands to sell their soup or lean out of the first floor windows. Sort of paddle-in, paddle-out fast food. What about the poor barrow boys or omolanke? Or street hawkers? “MTN cards, recharge…glug glug!” What would they do apart from stand on tiptoe? That would be bearable in the calm but every time an ‘oppressor’s’ speedboat went by the wake would wash them away with your change. Also, I hate sodden Suya. No, the more I think about it, the whole idea, though brilliantly conceived, would be more trouble than it’s worth.
So, eight years later we are still in the same position as we were then. Despite the billions Lagos State has spent, social media is awash (sorry!) with pictures of flooding: on the mainland, Victoria Island and Lekki. Is this the fault of government or do we also take some responsibility? How many times do people complain as they are throwing a water bottle or pure water sachet out of their car window? How many complain when their church has just built over a street’s gutters and drains? How many complain when they concrete over the last grass or natural soil (where water can drain) to make a car park in their compound? How many companies still dash officials of LAWMA or their LGA to avoid their responsibilities with their waste? How many businesses open with not enough car parking so vehicles straddle storms drains? We will not change the situation in Lagos without genuine partnership between inhabitants and the machinery of state. When we residents start acting responsibly we will earn the right to have a government that does the correct thing for the environment, including drainage. It is called Collective Responsibility. Until then we will continue to roll up our trousers like short-knickers and paddle to our cars complaining to the grey sky why it is everyone else’s fault but our own.
Keith Richards
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