Time changes yesterday

Some  years ago, I read some in­spiring stories from mothers with children with special needs, spe­cifically autistic children. The reporter/writer had interviewed about four mothers with this kind of children.

The stories were pow­erful as they made the corners of my eyes fill up with tears (to be honest the eyes take very little to fill up for me once the matter pertains to chil­dren). The story chroni­cled their journeys from understanding exactly their children’s develop­mental needs, to reject­ing the prognosis, then accepting it. They talked about the structure and systems they had put in place to support the chil­dren, the daily challenges they faced and the joy the children bring to them. The stories also featured the siblings of these chil­dren who talked about how they dealt with the challenge.

One of the mothers featured is a friend’s sib­ling so I sent her a text to say the stories were so en­couraging. Her response was a call to action to keep the awareness grow­ing about the challenges faced by children with special needs. In her words: “understanding the challenge is a huge first step in dealing with it.”

That statement got me thinking deeply. First about how many other development challenges we are faced with on this side of the continent and didn’t know what they were about and as such didn’t know how to deal with them. I asked my­self: ‘what did families in the time my mum or I were born do with au­tistic children? Did they know what it was? Did they shut them off? Took them from one prayer house to another or did they beat them repeat­edly for being too hyper or too slow? How many people had inkling as to what this was at the time?’

When I think carefully, I wonder how many chil­dren with developmen­tal needs we may have

had in my class growing up, who may have been made to sit at the back and mentally labeled by the teacher as ‘slow’, ‘un­cooperative or the par­ents told ‘this one is not for school madam, please try carpentry (back then vocational jobs were seen as secondary jobs).

One story that stayed with me and made me pay more attention to my children and those around me was one my cousin told me about her cousin (on her father’s side) she had narrated that when she started walking at about 14 months- she just walking into things; kept bump­ing into them- she’d walk right into a chair, or what­ever was in her way.

After much grumbling about how restless and impatient a baby she was- one who ‘couldn’t sit still and wouldn’t take care to look’…an aunt who was visiting insisted they took her to the hos­pital. The doctor luckily sent her to an optician who discovered her sight was extremely poor.

My cousin and I did the ‘what ifs’ together… what if it was never de­tected early-would she have turned blind’. What if she went on to school like that? Would she have been told ‘This one is not for academics’.

It’s no secret that in my time children with de­velopmental challenges were ‘put away’…maybe not in hardship but away still- I’d always remem­ber going to a house of a family friend growing up then, we were sited in the sitting room waiting to be served or something and suddenly my eyes went to a child about my age who had been staring at me through the slit of a door that led into their rooms. I approached her and knew immediately she was being restricted from mingling, young as I was I knew something ‘wasn’t quite right’ but I didn’t know what.…we both kept staring at each other until my mother – the typical Nigerian ‘mind your busi­ness mother’ cautioned me to get out of there.

Once I had the chance to play with all the chil­dren of the house (they were 3 that came to play) I asked them how many siblings they were and they responded saying ‘3’. I wondered about the child I had encountered. Months later, my parents informed me that that family had lost a sibling-when I saw one of the children I played with, I told her my parents said she lost a sibling to which she responded ‘no’ my questioning mind asked again how many siblings she had- she was con­sistent with the earlier answer. Now looking back many years later I wonder what really went on in that house?

I know it isn’t the inter­national week of autism, down’s syndrome, speech developmental or any other challenge, I’m just out to celebrate every­one who has a special needs child, anyone who is lending a hand to help, everyone’s who’s creating awareness in one way or the other. May your light shine even brighter.