On being better

As we wind down Ramadan and begin to wind down Lent, all seasons of reflection, charity, fasting, faith and prayer, I am led to look at some interesting perspectives of being better.

As the Catholic Pontiff, Pope Leo the 14th said in his Lenten message, fasting is not just about food; it’s also about fasting from hurtful words. Food fasting is easy when you are healthy and strong, but hurtful words are hard for those whose modus is how to disparage others and hurl painful things at other people. Your tongue, your words, can lead to negative disruption in a nation or even in a family and in a community.

I am not a mean-spirited person, and I generally try to be gentle with words, but I used to be very temperamental and short-fused. But over the years, I have worked on being better, on my temper, and there are people who can’t believe that I can be less temperamental. I am no longer short-fused, but I don’t suffer fools gladly.

That being said, let me regale you with a story on being better.

So there was a gentleman of high standing who adopted me many years ago. He and his family were very fond of me as I was of them. They lived in another city. My family and I often visited. They were older, so we sought them out often. They also attended every important event we had in our family, as we did theirs.

One day I decided to visit their city. I called their aides to arrange for the visit. I travelled three hours to their city. I then called his aide and asked after him and his wife. I had carried gifts. Then I got the shock of my life. His aides told me the big man had asked him what I wanted. I was stupefied. His aide was stupefied. I told my driver to make a turn, and we left for Abuja – another three-hour ride. I left the gifts for onwards transmission to the big man and his wife.

The aide told me he had asked that I be told he had travelled. I needed nothing from him. I did not understand the point. When his aide told me he had asked him what I wanted, I was in pain, and then when he told his aide to lie to me that he had travelled, I was fully injured. I left, and the family ambience was severed. Please be aware that he did not know that his aide had told me all of these things. A week later, he called me to thank me for the gifts and dared to repeat the lie that he had been out of town. It did not matter to me. He was off my radar. I was done. Friendship and family are not forced. All I needed was to say I am busy. Could we do it another time? I have too many friends and family to be pained by one who, although older, was certainly quite ridiculous. Let’s reflect on stuff and try to be a better version of ourselves.

Happy Easter.